Marriage: A Choice, Not a Requirement
Every couple is different. Every person is different. Every relationship is different.
And that’s exactly why marriage should never be treated like a universal requirement.
For some people, marriage is deeply connected to faith. If you are religious, if your belief system is important to you, and you want to make your commitment known in front of God, then that is a meaningful and valid choice. In that case, marriage is not just a legal matter — it is spiritual, personal, and sacred.
For others, marriage is something they have always dreamed of. They might not be particularly religious, but they want the symbolism, the unity, the sense of “this is my person, on paper, in life, in everything.” That is also valid.
But marriage becomes a problem when the reason for it is fear, pressure, control, or comparison.
If you want to get married because:
- You’re afraid your partner will leave
- You think it will lock them in
- You want to control them
- Your family is pressuring you
- All your friends are married
- You’re scared of being left behind
- You think it will magically fix your relationship
Then marriage is not the solution. And no legal document can stop a person from leaving if they are unhappy. They can still move out. They can still file for divorce. They can still choose themselves.
Marriage does not trap someone. It only papers something that already exists — healthy or unhealthy.
You should never get married because of other people’s expectations.
Not because your parents want it.
Not because your friends are doing it.
Not because you’ve “been together long enough.”
Not because people are asking questions.
Time together is not a reason to get married. Ten years together does not automatically mean “put a ring on it.” Some people have been together for 30, 40, 60 years without marriage and are deeply committed. And there are people who get married and divorced within a year.
Marriage is not proof of permanence.
It only makes sense if it is truly aligned with you and your relationship.
The Questions People Avoid Asking
A lot of people rush into marriage without actually knowing who the person beside them really is. And later, when real life hits, the cracks start to show.
Before even thinking about marriage, there are real questions that need to be asked:
What are your values?
What do you believe in — spiritually or religiously?
How do you want to raise children, if you have them?
What are your views on money, gender roles, discipline?
What is your diet and lifestyle like?
How do you handle conflict?
How do you show love?
What trauma are you carrying?
What does your family dynamic look like?
Who has influence over you?
For example, if one partner is Muslim and the other is Christian, how will that work long-term, especially if children are involved? Will one faith be prioritised? Will the child be pressured? Or will there be true openness and respect for choice?
That has to be discussed before marriage, not after.
These things might seem small in the beginning, but over time they can create massive division if they are not handled consciously and honestly.
A lot of marriages fail not because people didn’t love each other — but because they didn’t discuss the things that actually matter.
Trauma Also Follows People Into Marriage
Another uncomfortable truth is that many people walk into marriage with unhealed trauma, dysfunctional patterns, and unhealthy relationship models — especially if they grew up watching unstable relationships.
If your parents got divorced, or you watched unhealthy marriages around you, it’s important to ask:
Why did they divorce?
Was there communication?
Was there respect?
Was there emotional safety?
Were there unresolved issues that got ignored?
Getting married does not fix unresolved problems. In fact, it magnifies them.
Trauma doesn’t disappear because you put on a ring. Dysfunction doesn’t vanish after a wedding. If anything, marriage exposes what was already there.
This is why getting to know someone’s family dynamic, emotional maturity, and conflict style matters so much.
Love is not enough. Alignment and self-awareness are essential.
The Real Truth
Marriage is not a trophy.
It is not a security blanket.
It is not a status symbol.
It is not an automatic success marker.
It is a choice. A serious one. A personal one. A lifelong one.
And the only real reason to get married is this:
Because it genuinely aligns with the people in it.
Not society.
Not culture.
Not pressure.
Not fear.
Just truth, clarity, and choice.
If marriage is right for you, beautiful.
If it’s not, that is just as valid.
Because commitment is not measured by a certificate.
It is measured by intention, respect, loyalty, communication, and effort — every single day.